i just got back from dropping off my last "foreign refugee". it was a very very sad experience. we were both crying so hard. she didn't want to leave. i didn't want to let go of her hand.

the security at the bus which was to transport her on to the ship gave her a hard time because her handbag was too big. she yelled at him and said this was her home and that she was going to take her bag. that she didn't want to leave. i pulled her aside and helped her re-pack some stuff from one bag to another. she was only allowed to take a small carry on and a purse. while re-packing, i noticed that the reason her handbag was so big was because she was taking one of my paintings with her. we both cracked up when she said little did she know how much emotional value this painting would have when she bought it last month!

i cried all the way home. and even more upon entering my apartment to be greeted by her dog. i lifted her up, looked into her beautiful black eyes and promised her i was going to be a good mommy. this black pug is now asleep next to me, curled up next to a pink feather boa her real mommy left behind. i miss you already, Christine.

earlier this morning, my husband and i went down to the beirut public beach. the rumor was true. there is an oil spill. the black crude oil has blanketed our beach, covering rocks and smothering all sea life. there were dead fish on the beach who had been suffocated by this black plague. we were trying to figure out where the oil is from. was it done on purpose by the Israelis? was it from all the ships that are here carrying people away? most probably it is from all the fuel tank reserves along the beach town of Jiye that were hit a few days ago. this black death swam up 40 kilometers to rest its weary bones on our one and only public beach. so we took pics and now he's writing up a press release. mankind is so arrogant. in our wars and selfishness, we always disregard the one thing that cares about us the most; Mother Earth.

i still can not believe all this. it was only 2 weeks ago that i was in Sour (Tyr) enjoying a cold Almaza (local beer), watching jelly fish wash up on the public beach down there. i was there with Amanda, who is now safely out of the country. i was showing her how close by Israel was... little did we know. it was a good day. we drank beer, ate a whole plate of greasy french fries and laughed a lot.

today Sour is one fire. today Sour is hell on earth. there are still so many people trapped in the city. no way to leave or enter. to way to call loved ones. people in the southern region received calls from a pre-recorded tapping from Israel demanding that they leave the south . but, when they did try and leave, an F 16 flew over and blew up a convoy of cars. 20 civilians killed in one blow; mostly women and children. because they were doing what the Israeli army said they should do.

tomorrow. tomorrow another demonstration. it is for women. we are going to sit peacefully in front of the UN building. we will wear white. we will call for a cease fire. we will demand that they stop killing our children.

i wonder what the plan is? it seems that there is some kind of plan that has been agreed on by so many powerful nations of the world.. otherwise how do you explain how the international community is ignoring this crisis. meanwhile, the people of Lebanon are doing their best to stick this thing out together.... so many people are volunteering to help with the relief shelters for the refugees, so many are helping the red cross, so many are working with children in the shelters to keep them happy, so many people donating money. beautiful beirut and her beautiful people... i love you.

i just want to be able to sleep again.