Tuesday, July 25, 2006

shopping

i finally went to the supermarket.

i have been dreading it... didn't want to see empty shelves. didn't want to see people queuing.

what i did see... shelves beginning to empty. a priest buying a lot of beer. long lines..

i have never been so self conscious buying food before. my pride would not let me overstock. i saw long life milk... my hand reached out for a bottle, and then another, and then a third. as soon as i saw them in my trolly, i took one out and put it back on the shelf, and then the second, and finally the third. i did not buy milk. i was so self conscious about it. i thought to myself, better leave it for a mother who has kids to buy it.

i ended up buying strange things. things i was worried i may not find in the country again. i bought a bottle of triple sec. so that i can make cosmopolitans for my friends when they eventually do start coming over to visit again.

i bought pesto in a jar. i know it will soon become a luxury item. i bought two small jars.

i bought sanitary napkins. the ones i like. i never want to get stuck with those really thick 1980s bulky ones. i always used to see them in my cousin's bathroom when we used to visit Beirut in the 80s. they remind me of war.

i bought the shampoo i like. i don't want to end up using that crappy generic kind that comes in huge plastic bottles and is either fluorescent pink or green. looks radioactive. it reminds me of Beirut in the 80s.

i bought smoked almonds. two cans.

i bought more pasta. yuck.

***

i have been getting some beautiful emails... about love and compassion. thank you so much... people i have never met before... new friends... so, i got to wondering... if there are so many beautiful people out there, why is there war?

how can this equation be possible? that there are so many beautiful people out there, but yet, there is so much war.

***

it is so hot. now that our "refugees" have gone, my husband keeps walking around the house in his boxers. i tell him to put some clothes on and his reply is, "what for? we don't have any neighbors anymore. they are all gone. who is going to see me??"

hehe. he's right. so, i let him off the hook.

***

beirut in the 80s. i feel like i am 10 and 30 all at the same time.

***

we are almost up to 1 million refugees now.
israel invaded the south of lebanon. they are on lebanese soil now. they are attacking villages, one after the other.
hizuballah continues to fire into israel.
israel continues to fire into lebanon.
civilian targets are still being hit. today a hospital was hit. so were ambulances.
what is this war? why is this war?

16 Comments:

Anonymous Bur$atil said...

We all cried for the innocent in the whole world victims of the same people in Irak, Palestina, Lebanon and the whole world with more poverty, inflation, privatizacion.
WE all cried.
Silence is not good.
United we need to stand for justice and PEACE for all.

1:09 AM  
Blogger Asma said...

Our prayers are with you. our heart goes out to the people in Lebanon, Palestine, Iraq, and all around the world who are being ruthlessly targetted.

1:12 AM  
Blogger Maddy said...

The photos of the beach break my heart. That you went to the shops at all is brave. Do not feel shame in buying food, buy what you want.
We are hearing your voice and praying for you.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It needs much beautiful people to just neutralize one bad person. This is hard and the only hope we have is that the number of the conciousness and good people is growing continuesly over the centuries, until one day there will be peace for all...

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Just wanted to let you know that there are many of us listening urgently to what you have to say from the US. We want the violence to stop, too. We want you to be able to practice your art and life your life in peace. Be strong and keep blogging - we want to know what's going on over there.

“The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it…. Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

- Martin Luther King

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

hi, I want to introduce my project:
israelboykott.org to stop the war. I cried too long, getting angrier the last days ...

hope the best for you and your country!
michael

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it’s a simple equation; the Devil is portrayed in many ways and things and at the same time God’s (any God one might believe in) ideations of good, peace, human inter-relationships, etc… those are simple ideas of love and peace and the complete opposite is the Evil remains to destroy all that is good and it will use any way to infiltrate people to manifest his devilish harm and the Devil usually chooses the most powerful and the strongest party to exercise these. So, it simple in seeing who the Devil chose to destroy and who is holding on to God’s ideations to live and eventually die as we all will die but with being ashamed of who we were.
Best regards to all,
Haider

7:55 PM  
Anonymous don,dallas , texas said...

Zena, im so glad you did go shopping ,id i hear on the news it may last 3 months, and that USA is giving 35 million to lebanon in relief aid for a start, so they are getting some of the messages , i cant imagine hezbolla could hold out that long .i hope not i know its difficult to determine who the terrorist are. if someone. in alot of ways i could say the terrorist are the Israeli,or ,in Iraq ,the americans but i feel hezabolla started this most recent conflict with kidnapping soldiers. Bombing Beirut is wrong in any situation! . i know america has no longer a moral standing globally its that damn gw bush regime who WE CANT STAND! I DONT KNOW IF PEACE WILL EVER HAPPEN WITH TWO DIFFERENT VIEWS OF RELIGION . AND A HISTORY OF DISTRUST . I WOULD HOPE EVENTUALLY SOMEONE WITH BACKBONE AND COMPASSION COULD BE MAKING DECISIONS OR THE GENERAL POPULATION, WHEN VOTES ACTUALLY MEAN ANYTHING , HERE THEY DONT.[YES IM CYNICAL] . CAN . I LOVED YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF THE SHAMPOOS. I LAUGHED. YOU ARE NOT ALONE THE WORLD IS WATCHING FROM CNN EVERY DAY . WONDERING WHAT WE THE PEOPLE CAN DO. IS MONEY A ISSUE? MY FRIENDS WHO DONT DRINK MUCH ,MILK BUY A POWERDED VERSION . I DRANK SOME BEFORE I REALIZED IT WAS POWERDED, I WOULD NEVER HAD KNOWN . I WAS IMPRESSSED. IS YOUR POSTAL SERVICE CLOSED? IS THERE ANYTHING YOUR READERS LIKE ME CAN DO FOR YOU? I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND,AND DOG DAILY .I SEND THIS BLOG TO OUR EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE NEWS PAPER HERE IN DALLAS , PLEASE KEEP WRITING , WITH YOU WE ARE GETTING TRUTH.THANKYOU! YOU ARE SO APPRECIATEED !, WHEN THIS IS OVER I WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU ALL. BYE AND OUR MOST SINCERE THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU. DON/DALLAS

8:03 PM  
Anonymous euroarabe said...

great blog! thanks..

9:47 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

I sit here sipping on my coffee while typing these thoughts. I occasionally look up to watch birds fluttering around a feeder in my garden. As I do both I feel like a total hypocrite because I am doing nothing to stop the destruction of Lebanon, Israel, Iraq, Kosovo ...

I don't know why I feel like a hypocrite, like you I can hold a sign in front of an embassy and write letters to congressmen, senators or others in power. These don't seem to be particularly affective tools but at least it gives us hope for a while and sustains the belief that maybe, just maybe this time it will work.

These things come to mind while I sit here wondering, as you did above, how it is that most of the people in the world can be against this kind of senseless destruction and yet not be able to do anything to stop it.

Hopefully this stupidity will be over soon. Hopefully we will then concentrate on figuring out the causes and and how to prevent this type of madness in the future. In the mean time I will continue to protest as I can. I hope that you and yours will remain safe and that shortly you will again be able to teach your art classes.

2:08 AM  
Blogger marilyn said...

hello Zena,
this war doesn't make sense, and so little of the things that happen do, but we are all the same, and for every bomb dropped there are hundreds who would have it a different way. it is a bitch because these people are not in power over countries-but a lot of them are writing here. you're quite the bravest woman, and an inspiration. stay safe.

2:56 PM  
Blogger fisherman217 said...

Zena, dear. I can't begin to understand what you are living. Thank you for keeping us informed. My jido, Ibrahim Gharzouzi who came to this country around 1900 used to tell me "if we have hope, we have something; if we have no hope, we have nothing." You and all the "beautiful faces of Lebanon" are the world's hope.
My prayers, love and hope...
Bill

6:02 PM  
Blogger fisherman217 said...

Zena, dear. I can't begin to understand what you are living. Thank you for keeping us informed. My jido, Ibrahim Gharzouzi who came to this country around 1900 used to tell me "if we have hope, we have something; if we have no hope, we have nothing." You and all the "beautiful faces of Lebanon" are the world's hope.
My prayers, love and hope...
Bill

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All we can do is to make it more public, give it a 'overkill' of PR so everyone will be confronted with the war in Lebanon and Gaza.

Best wishes from Holland,

Bram

10:23 AM  
Anonymous saeed said...

This morning's event in Qana brought a great sadness to my heart as I sat in front of the TV with my two year old daughter. I can not begin to imagine what it must be like to be in Lebanon at present. We switch the TV off and the horror disappears from the front of our eyes, but my heart feels the agony of the people I see around the bombed building. May Allah give all brothers and sisters in Palestine and Lebanon strength to live through these testing times. We pray for you all.

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your blog is amazing and quite brave...........please share photos so that people can see thru your eyes. As you said pictures tell a 1ooo words. Your pics not media pics.
And I have often wondered why there is such a conflict if the majority of people are like you loving and caring. The good outnumber the bad so hopefully soon the good shall overcome.
I pray for you all

3:15 PM  

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